This is the story of a deer who stumbles on the New Years Eve “Sleep No More” Huntsman’s Ball at The McKittrick Hotel.
It begins with a doe.
One frigid New Years Eve a doe, or “doe-in-a-dress” to be accurate, came to the big city and made some friends at a party.
She tried to adjust to how things were here, but the natives didn’t understand her ways.
“They call it the Venison where you are from? We call it the Charleston.”
The doe tried to explain how dating worked in the forest.
“This is the part when all the bucks appear and start fighting over us, sis! Any minute now…”
The New Yorkers asked all sorts of awkward questions. “No, I do NOT have ticks. Thank you very much for asking,” said the doe.
Then things got really weird as the locals displayed their mating practices…
The doe saw a couple in the very center of the teeming dance floor endlessly using their cellphones and oblivious to all else. (Even the doe had a cellphone– it was the forest, not the Moon.) The doe guessed that the girl was typing, “Totally awesome party. I’m sooo dancing my ass off.” The guy was probably looking up underwear sales at Bloomies. “Perhaps I shall move away from the boxer-brief?”
“Hey! That’s not a fake tale, buster!” (Tail. Doe’s are poor at spelling, but good at finding sweet grass in shady fields…)
The doe was not having fun. She was about to turn tail and bound her way back to the shady groves and streams of her beloved home forest.
But then …
Then she met Laszlo, who was dressed as a huntsman-slash-“cool mask, dude”-guy… (This was taken in the speakeasy part of the McKittrick. “Stone Cold Fox” was the band, just in case anyone is interested. The doe was not.)
He was adventurous…
“I am invisible,” Laszlo thought, creeping across the wall of the castle.
Just then, the lights went on to reveal he was not, in fact, anything of the sort.
Laszlo Von Glitz thrust! He parried! He wondered where everyone went!
He took her into a secret Blue Room and gave her spiced wine that tasted terrible. He introduced her to other new and exciting things…
The doe loved New York City. There were as many fresh water pools of scented spring water as she could put her hooves on. And the best part? They imparted a pleasant dizziness to the evening that made her ears positively twitch.
Now, what the little Doe-in-a-dress did not know was that often huntsmen aren’t particularly good beaus for yearlings fresh out of the woods to hang out with… she also had never rhymed before.
The Doe wondered vaguely whether there was any functionality to the concept of human clothing. She sure felt a breeze…
All of a sudden it was all so very fun, despite the overcrowding and the lack of a nice plot of grass to use as a bathroom.
End of Part 1.
TO BE CONTINUED…